Is Baby-Think-It-Over An Abstinence 
Education Tool?

A bag of flour, a sack of sugar and the raw “baby egg” exercise are the forerunners of the popular Baby-Think-It-Over program. Expensive computerized babies that cry and need a diaper change in the middle of the night are being heavily funded with Title V, Abstinence Education monies.

Is Baby-Think-It-Over a mega-buck gega-pet? No one wants young people to prematurely parent. However, parenting is not the highest price paid for sexual activity in the twenty-first century. Ask yourself what is the bottom line? What is the thinking, the driving principle, behind Baby-Think-It-Over?

Francis Schaeffer, one of the most profound theologians and social thinkers of the twentieth century, said that the test of a good decision was to ask, “If everyone did it all the time, would you want the result?” Remembering that a lesson learned is an inside layer like on an onion that then allows all other learning to be laid atop it.

In my mind, the reason for abstaining or not having a child has nothing to do with waking up in the night. This lesson has been used for several years. It has not worked in reducing child bearing among those not ready to parent. Profiles of those most likely to have a teen pregnancy identify girls whose sibling, especially a sister has a baby, mother has a small baby or a small baby lives in the home or if they themselves have already had a child. This negates the “poop and eat machine” theory. Those who have contact with infants know that all the crying and diaper changes are worth just one small smile. If inconvenience were such a strong motivator, most women would not have a second child, wear make-up, and surely would never wear panty hose again.

Waking up in the night is the inconvenience argument of the abortion-minded. It does not encourage abstinence. Instead it promotes contraception to dodge the consequences of having a baby or promotes abortion if the contraception fails. Sexual partners are not expected to accept the responsibility and consequences equally because the woman bears the weight for contraceptive use and the baby for abortion. A decision based on convenience is not about character, (self-control, sacrifice, justice, patience or purity). Abstinence until marriage education should address health and social problems. However, this education process must actively convey and expect the character qualities necessary for a student to enjoy the long-term benefits of marriage and strong families.

More importantly, and more alarming is, what if these young people learn and apply the “egg baby” lesson after they leave high school and become parents. Many teachers have said that when they were in high school, they stuffed the egg in a tennis shoe, hardboiled it for safekeeping, put it in the refrigerator or took one from the refrigerator when theirs broke. With prom-goers stuffing babies in garbage cans and an ever-increasing incidence of child abuse, these concerns are not grasping or over exaggerating. When returning the computerized babies or dumping the bag of sugar, students express relief at being rid of the responsibility. How often do educators and policy makers lament how parents just dump their children on the school or “in the system”? Maybe, there is a reason. Maybe, we are conditioning future parents to look for ways to rid themselves as quickly as possible of their parenting responsibilities. Using this approach, abstinence educators are merely modifying Planned Parenthood’s motto, “Every child a wanted child” to “Every child is a pain.” 

No matter how old you are when you become a parent, your baby will cry and need a diaper change. If this lesson is learned too well, it will remain in the mind of the parent-to-be. The long-lasting message is that babies are a pain because they cry. Conditioning frustration and breeding resentment could destroy the joy of parenting for the future, put the child at risk for abuse and negatively impact family stability. Of course, this one activity will not send the earth off its orbit nor is it the cause of all the world’s social ills. 

Many educators are seeing the emotional impact on students from the sleepless nights and are declaring success. Some are adding sensitivity to the exercises but, let’s be more creative in finding ways to positively postpone parenting (until the adults in the relationship are married, self-sufficient and excited about having a child) by focusing on the sexual activity of the would-be-parents rather than laying the burden on the baby. 

I personally use a “nesting” exercise. I ask the following questions after teaching fetal development information. “The baby was awesome, now what are you going to do to build a nest for this new baby?” “What do you want your baby to have before it’s born (tangible and intangible)?” “How much will it cost?” “How old will you be before you can achieve these goals?” For example, renting your own apartment or being married means waiting until age 18, but having grandparents that are glad about the baby and willing to be childcare may mean waiting to parent after 20 years old or finishing an education. I find that these questions place the focus on the would-be-parents’ performance rather than the behavior of the infant. It helps them set a timetable for the biological clock that is ticking in many young women who want babies and it helps them see how this baby will impact their parents, their finances and their future. It never tells them that they “can’t be good parents” or that it’s a bad experience. Instead, it works with that invincibility that says, “I can take on the world” with a dose of reality added. That also means that they can wait. With this positive message teens don’t get in that defensive mode of “Oh, yeah! I’ll show you that I can too be a good parent.” Even B.F. Skinner knew that a random positive reinforcement schedule with future rewards was a stronger motivator than negative shock treatment. It requires much less time and effort to motivate postponement of today’s pleasures for tomorrow’s reward than the constant and increasingly negative messages necessary to motivate avoidance.

I didn’t intend to besmirch the intentions of those using the program but I have been meaning to write these thoughts about this type of exercise and the mega-buck gega pet, “Baby Think It Over” program for a long time. I dearly love children and I hold parenting, even step-parenting dear. I believe it is one of my most valuable learning experiences. Parenting is so underestimated and downplayed that I want to uphold and encourage maternal and paternal instincts whenever possible.

Back to Francis Schaeffer. What if every parent felt this way about his or her baby all of the time?

PS: If you have to do BTIO, use it to teach the need for or benefit of two parent families. The baby is not the problem but the support for caring for the child created. The baby has the same needs regardless of the age of the parents, their finances or educational background. In other words, babies will still cry and take adult attention. They deserve it.

 

Try teaching the lesson by having the boy take the total responsibility for 3 days or a week of the baby, have one boy and one girl share the task as a couple and then the third week have her take the care responsibility alone. Compare the experiences, What were the difficulties? Which was the most difficult? What was hard in the shared experience? Did you get better scores in the shared experience?